It’s possible that two fragile people who come together in a relationship and accept and love each other actually heal each other’s wounds.But if the guy doesn’t stick around, what happens is that the scab gets ripped off, salt gets rubbed in, and you’re left in excruciating pain, trying to bandage up your gaping wound.It’s quite easy to feel a connection with someone you’ve met online, and that’s one of the great things about online dating, but you need to be sure you don’t get attached to your matches too quickly.After all, you can’t truly know someone without spending a significant amount of time with them.Also, guys who come on really strong at the beginning tend to be the ones who shortly thereafter, disappear altogether.As good as it feels to have someone adore you, he doesn’t actually low. ” You commiserate about your rough childhoods, and how it’s so hard to set boundaries and stand up for yourselves.Remind yourself that sex isn’t love, emotional intensity isn’t even love, and love at first sight is for rom-coms. He’s in therapy, reads self-help books, and speaks the language of emotional awareness.You need to slow down and really get to know this person. The Pattern: When he tells you right off the bat about the medication he’s taking, you’re thrilled. He understands when you need Me Time, and lets you cry on his shoulder when life just feels too hard.
Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are.You can gloss over anything negative and create this idealised view of them in your mind.There’s not much you can do to prevent this, but if you do find yourself falling into this trap time and time again, remind yourself that no one is perfect, and we all have our foibles. Happy ever after belongs in fairytales only There is no such thing as happy ever after, as much as we wish there was.A happy, long-term relationship is created by to loving people who put a lot of hard work into their partnership. Don’t expect your matches to fulfil your emotional needs; that’s your job. Electronic attraction is different to real attraction This is a big one, and essential to remember when you’re online dating.That’s not to say a relationship is all hard work – far from it – but you are neither Cinderella or Prince Charming! No one can complete you You probably know the famous line from ‘Jerry Maguire’ where Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger’s character that ‘You complete me’. Someone might seem like the perfect person by email, but don’t let your emotions take over.
There such a thing as a very happy couple, and true love, but ‘happy ever after’ is best left to Cinderella.